just a little midnight sketching.

I'm only motivated by anger.
To be my best
or merely
drive off a cliff.

Regardless, both are the same.
You see, free falling
and persevering are exactly the same
should involve no other effort
than to be yourself
but
ends up being fueled by rage.

I'm only motivated by anger.
And this is probably how it is
always going to be.

i hope you know how much you kill me, because you do.

It's like a hopeless ringing
which does not stop.
I think it does.
But
your're always there to remind me
it's not.

Helpless fruit fly
hopeless and lost
without cause
without life
because
your're always there to remind me
that I'm nothing more.

You dim the light
you kill the spark
you smoother the flame
you drown the child
your're always there to remind me,
that you aren't going away.

So today has just been one of those days ya know? Like the ones where you walk around numb unmoved by joy, and definitely not pain. Nothing really matters.

Anyways, today during calculus 3 I was doodling and ended up forming this image; where a bottle of pills are being poured into what seemingly looks like a woman's mouth. 

As I was in the process of uploading this doodle, I copied it into Windows' Paint. And what you see before you is the product:

It's all just a metaphor...

Sometimes
 
    things just never go as planned
               
            or by some crazy miracle, they do.

Sometimes

     i feel like as individuals we purposefully

            put ourselves down, and slide through the non-existing

                      cracks in the ground.

Sometimes

      we'll have to face these troubles alone

             actually most of the time we'll have to face these troubles
                               
                        alone.


But sometimes
 
   if we're lucky

         there will be someone

                who wont run from your troubles

                        and face those demons with you

                                side-by-side, together

                                         not because they have to

                                                 and not like you asked

                                                            but because they want to.

Love is a basic human principle which we all strive for. A form of acceptance where you feel safe, knowing that everything will always be okay. Not because you are perfect, nor is the other person, but because that one thing about them takes your breathe away; for they are beautiful inside and out. 

For everyone this is different. What influences this trait may be because of your upbringing, or experiences. But for me, it is the ability to have a person who makes me feel invincible. Giving me the strength to make myself vulnerable, the courage to face my demons, and the love to make me believe that  

              everything

                           will

                                   be

                                        okay.

for those that actually read any of the things i have to say, first of all, i want to thank you for taking the time to view my work, but secondly i wanted to give a small disclaimer:

most of the stuff i write about, isn't because I'm a dark person

but because everyone endures pain. Those more

than others, but nevertheless pain. 

thank you.

I miss someone that I know I shouldn't
a boy that told me he couldn't
he couldn't?

Up until now, I said wouldn't.

Wouldn't fall into that empty hole
sliding down the slippery slope
tangling in the roots, the dirt
rubbing on my skin
waves of dust piercing through my eyes
slithers of blackness crawling under my nails,
but worst of all
I know now
that I never escaped that hole.

Merely imagined a place
where everything was
alright
content
but now
my walls are collapsing.

People are only here for you for a limited time. We never know when the person we just met, the person we get attached to may simply disappear.

Or worse.

Stick around to poison you. 

Endurance can,
may be seen as strength.

People admire an ability to withstand
pain and lost
and swallow down
the hurt

for it is easier to hide voices
in your head
than to cover the blood running
down your arms.

But those who endure
are the ones who survive
surviving though
is not living
experiencing
nor growing.

No longer do I wish
to merely survive.

Life is a complicated topic.
While we live it, endure it, face it,
we know nothing of what lies ahead

yet we force ourselves into believing
that everything will be okay.

Will everything be okay?
We surrounded ourselves
with those we believe make us
happy

but how can we know
for happiness is for fools.

from one path 

down another

the scene does not vary.

withered trees

with broken branches of brown and grey 

and transparent sky's reflecting the day

that nothing will change.